Key goals of a first date are to (a) see if you have a connection, and (b) find out if you and your date have any major areas of incompatibility. Why: Does the person have strong feelings or are they more easygoing and with milder feelings. We’re wired so that once we start to develop an emotional attachment this is hard to break away from. Why: Different vacation preferences or amounts of vacation time can be a major source of ongoing incompatibility. Why: This question helps establish if your date has a positive or negative attitude? Why: Helps you find out the person's preferences and also helps you establish if the person has any free time or if they're a workaholic. You want to find out fast if your date has potential.You want to stop repeating past mistakes and keep your eyes open for clues that might reveal whether Mr./Ms. But the trick is not to come off as being too heavy-handed, like you’re leading an interrogation squad; after all, it’s a date, not Recently, I spoke to men and women who’ve mastered the art of investigative finesse on their dates.There aren’t hard and fast rules about what’s a good vs. Research has shown that the most effective communication style in relationships is a flexible one. Why: This is primarily relevant if you're either an extreme night or an extreme morning person. The examples below are intended to stimulate your own ideas rather than as rules. Why: Is the person about to make any major life changes e.g., leave their 0K/year job to go back to school? Do they see it as a job, a vocation, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder? It makes men think without being intimidating, and it also makes them realize that I’m not a run-of-the-mill woman who just wants to talk about what’s on the menu at dinner.” “I ask my dates which three people (living or dead) they’d invite to dinner, and what kind of meal they would make,” says Steve, 34, of Chicago, IL.
Also, if anything out of the ordinary has happened that might be affecting your date’s mood, it’s good to factor this in. Also, it’s nice to give your date an opportunity to answer a question that isn't directly about them. Why: Are they very involved with their family of origin? Alice's Twitter @Dr Alice Boyes photo credits: Pink Sherbet Photography, Www.Certified relationship counselors can help you find solutions to problems in your relationships. Finding out what her favorite drink is or where he went to graduate school is useful background info to have, but what do you know about someone after asking those kinds of questions? Nor do you want to engage in conversational dead ends by trading bits of information followed by silence (until one of you picks up the small-talk baton and starts running with it again).