But inevitably, this means we get stuck in cycles of mind-numbing small talk in which we don’t reveal anything about ourselves and in turn, we don’t learn anything meaningful about the other person. You shouldn’t launch into a 15-minute monologue about your latest existential crisis or discuss all the possible causes of your this morning’s indigestion.
The relationship doesn’t grow in a satisfying way, because it lacks intimacy. You might say something like, “Good, I got up early this morning to jog on my favorite trail. These conversation topics would be more appropriate with a close friend, not a work or school acquaintance.
But there’s something very authentic—and surprisingly charming—about being completely honest.
Chung writes that you can quickly take conversations to a deeper level by saying things like: Of course, don’t take this to the extreme.
You’ll listen more intently, your body language will show that you’re engaged, and you’ll naturally think of questions that move the conversation forward.
Being curious about others is a highly attractive quality, and it creates immediate interest and intimacy. Instead of just asking about the facts (“what” questions), ask people .
” or “What was the most interesting thing that happened at work today?
You wonder how the world works or what makes a person tick.Introverts especially tend to loathe small talk—but it’s not because we shun connecting with others.“Let’s clear one thing up: introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people,” explains Laurie Helgoe in “We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”Introverts would rather talk about something meaningful.It puts all the attention on us and we feel exposed and vulnerable.We usually don’t open up until we know someone well and feel comfortable around them.