She says that either one of us would have veto power.I don't want to sleep with other women, believe it or not. I just don't get why she feels like she wants to do this.To my mind there is no such thing as “just sex.” We westernized, Cartesian types seem to think we can neatly separate mind and body, but this is a conceptual fantasy that I think has to be done away with.Emotion is irreversibly intertwined with every facet of our being.
My hunch—from a distance, of course—is that your wife feels something is missing and wants to go outside the relationship to find it. What is she not finding between the two of you that she needs to take such an emotional risk of bringing another partner into it? Sex involves desires that are unconscious, and the latter is always a wild card (which is part of sexuality’s exciting appeal).Is there a part of she wants to let out but is afraid?(Not to be cynical, but I almost wondered when I read your letter if she already had someone in mind.) You might want to have a serious talk with your wife or even seek some couples counseling to help her understand how unhappy this idea is making you, and how rattled and bewildered you are in light of it.She says she has been doing a lot of reading about it and has a work friend who is in an open relationship and it works for her.I am outraged by the suggestion as I feel it is a major threat to our marriage.